Life After Death Reinventing Yourself – Pt 2

This episode features a personal and at times emotional conversation between the host Robbie English and guest Jarah Decker who is a real estate agent. Jarah shares her journey and struggles of becoming a successful top producer in real estate after the unfortunate and sudden death of her husband. She mentions how she managed her grief, maintained her work ethics in dealing with real estate transactions, established a successful career, and how she coped with her husband’s absence by reshaping her house. The end of the script involves the host thanking the viewers and asking for support for the series.

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Guest Contact Information:

Jarah D. Decker, REALTOR
Turnkey Realty
432-266-1916
jaridecker@gmail.com

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 0:00
June of 2019. I actually got fired. I didn’t know you could get fired, but I got fired. I got fired bar $15 An hour desk office Girl Up, Brian,

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 0:11
Chef. What she’s screaming, you’re fired. I just laughed at her because I don’t work for you. Right. But my broker supported her decision. So now I’m scrambling. This happened on a Thursday, she notified me Friday morning that she was going to let it stand. And I had until Monday at five o’clock to find a sponsor for my license. So I called Amy house that he at turnkey, she and I had talked, we talked on the phone a million times, I just love her. She’s so easy to talk to. And Amy, at that time was doing a lot of land. And that’s what I wanted to do with farm and ranch. So I had picked her brain on several occasions, right. And I called Amy about three o’clock that afternoon and said, Are you looking for a new agent and she said, Girl, I’m looking for you. And I said, I got fired. I do have an interview at side. I’m not gonna lie to you. I’ve been I’ve never done an interview. I’ve never interviewed for real estate for real estate. So I went on the interview, I got in my car, and I had goosebumps all over me. Okay, I get it God, this is not the agency for me. I wouldn’t show the house I had to be at a six o’clock appointment in Odessa. I went to show to house, my client wanted to put in an offer. And I called Amy and said I need to write an offer but I’m not writing it for my old agency. We sponsor my license. Within 20 minutes. She’s got my license sponsored and I’m moved on. But I had 17 deals under contract. And no clear no process, no method of keeping up with all of this. So I’m not sleeping. So you know, I’m not sleeping because of grieving but I’m not sleeping because I’m scared to death. I’m gonna drop the ball. And I’m gonna be held responsible for somebody’s sale. Right scared. So I finally thought you know what, this is ridiculous. Sherif, you came from a county you work on processes. Create set up a process. I did, I created more. So because you have to

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 2:24
have some of that knowledge, I guess to create a process. It’s not that easy, but I get it.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 2:29
Well, I just needed a way to keep up with my dates and to know what’s going on with all of these. I believe he has 17 deals going. I don’t know how to do this.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 2:40
And you had 17 deals go on at the previous broker. And

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 2:47
I was second. It was the

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 2:48
second is but they are not very smart. And I don’t know if they’re still around. But dang,

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 2:53
I get invited back. Courts you have because

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 2:58
look at what do you mean, you’ve accomplished so much and you know, top producer five years both areas right? Both MLS? Lon, you know Hi about. I mean,

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 3:10
I probably shots, Carmen. That’s

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 3:12
about regretting a decision, you know that they are regretting that decision.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 3:19
It was not a decision. Bang just on business. That was kind of what I was so stunned by. I mean, why would you let your second producer in the office goes? You got an angel? Yes. And Amy has been. She is I can’t say enough good about Amy. She’s been so supportive. I’ve called her bawling, you know, right at me, I’m just having a bad day. And she’s quite good stuff going on. Uh, you can all listen. And it was she called me into the office. She sponsored by license on a Friday night. And about three weeks later, she called me and she said are send me a text. Can you be in the office at 10am tomorrow? And I said absolutely. Well, I’m all scared. I’m not get fired again. Now don’t know what I I’ve never actually met her in person, right. And I don’t really know, when I’m walking it. I feel like I’ve been called to the principal’s office,

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 4:22
I can get that.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 4:24
I get up and I get dressed and I head to the office and she can’t say enough nice things about me. And she said, I’m just so impressed how you’re always so polished and professional. And I started laughing and I said Amy and I opened by jakka That’s a big cat on a kiss t shirt. And she said it’s fine. She said Jared people work with you because they love you. Right. And I decided early early on, you know, because they tell you to read As for the position you want to dress for success? That’s true. They do it is it is true to a point. Well, I

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 5:07
don’t get it. I don’t like it. You know me, well, I love shorts and flip flops.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 5:13
Well, I would I when I first started, I wore slacks and heels and I’m in a jacket, and I’m hot, and I’m tugging on my clothes and my feet hurt. And I’m sad. And you’re undecided when more than you know, at this bullshit, I’m wearing a pair of jeans and a T shirt. And they will like if they’re gonna find another agent. You

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 5:33
have to be comfortable because you don’t shine. Well, people in general, not you particular. But you don’t shine unless you you feel good. And I can’t handle being in something that’s uncomfortable and then trying to, you know, perform.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 5:48
Yes. So I decided that if people wanted to work with me, they will work with me. If they don’t, they’ll go find them. 110 pound blind in six inch stilettos are kindling for a year to an entire office that I’m in. But I am not mine. Owl and I tell my clients that you want to go kick weeds, I’ll kick weight, but you got to walk in front of me because I’m afraid to snips. And my clients are like, okay, come on, follow me. I don’t know how I did it. Somehow or another I they call me the queen of mobile homes.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 6:25
The queen of mobile homes, I had not ever heard that. I

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 6:30
sell a lot of manufactured housing. Okay, I sell way more than I want to. But I also believe that everyone deserves a home regardless of their budget. And if they can only afford a $200,000 mobile home, then let’s go find one that’s suitable. Right? I have stood in properties and went Oh, no, we can do better than this. Let’s keep looking. We I don’t know. I lead with my heart. And I tell my clients, it’s my job to be stressed out. I just want you to work with a lender provide all of the information that they need. Once we get through this first 10 days, then we can get excited. And you can start daydreaming about your new home. But let’s get through this first 10 days, let’s do our inspections. You answer the lender and I will carry the stress of closing.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 7:24
So you throw yourself you’ve thrown yourself into work for the last five, six years. You use that as a coping mechanism. Yes. Then you’ve gone to seek some counseling to help you make it through.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 7:44
I went to a counselor. Okay, so hospice has a really good counseling coping class. Uh huh. I chip it. Oh, yeah, I showed up every day. Every time they had a class. I was there. I graduated. And I told the instructor, she said how do you feel? And I said, Well, I came I never miss the clients are graduating and I know better. She said, can I see you after class? If she told me you need to see a grief counselor. So I have seen to grief counselors. And Indira IntelliBid when when the we got shut down and nobody’s looking at houses and nobody selling anything, and we’re all stuck at home. I literally fell apart. It was that was probably the hardest thing for me. I can’t figure out why I can’t stop crying because I don’t cry. And I was crying constantly. I was physically sick, not with COVID I just I felt so bad and I was so overwhelmed. I went to my doctor and and crying the whole time I’m in her office because I don’t know what’s wrong with me is she said Jarrell, we call this depression. So she wrote she wrote me a prescription. And I did my due diligence. I went and picked it up. And I brought it home and I set it on the bar and I walked around the calendar every morning and looked at it. And every every morning I made the decision of I’m like taking min. G even for

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 9:31
June and July talking to me. We talked a lot during COVID for at least two months or so. Because I wouldn’t branch and I remember walking down the road with my phone having some calm conversations with you. And you were still picking your brain trying to improve your systems at that point. How can I handle more you were trying to find ways to be busy because you weren’t leaving the house. Right?

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 9:55
So I finally I went back for my two week check out from taking this medication. And I got my shit in the box. I’m not crying when I walk in and my doctor thinks, oh, look, she’s doing good. And she said, So how are you feeling on this new medication and most decided not to take it. And then it comes to tears. And yes, she’s okay, tell me why you don’t want to take it. I said, Because Shit happens. This is called lie. And I don’t want to be dependent on a medication. So she thoroughly suggested that I see a trauma counselor, right? Yeah, I’ve already burned through two Greek calculators. So I don’t want to do that again. So I, I have a friend that we used to work in accounting together. And she’s main finish. She is a counselor, Tim, there’s no way I’m going to hurt she’s made.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 10:55
I have a feeling needed that I

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 10:58
did. So I called her and I said of these two, I think she gave me three of these three trauma counselors, who do you recommend? And she called me and she said, is this old trauma? Or is this John, I said, it’s John, as she said, Why do you recommend a really good grief counselor? Wow, the guy she recommended was the one that I told off, I’m not gonna be I’m not going back to him. Right. And because when I told him off, there was a lot of foul language. And it was so bad that I went back and apologized the next week, but he was wrong. And he saved my business, and he’s stay out at it. So your

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 11:38
therapist is both me and your business, my love to

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 11:42
bossing you around. You don’t get to tell me what to do with my money.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 11:47
Okay, okay.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 11:48
I’ll give you so I ended up with a grief counselor or a trauma counselor in garden dough. My friend explained to me because I’m talking to her on the phone, and I can’t stop crying, not that I would get along with me. I don’t, this has never happened to me. And she said Gera, your boxes are full. Set, I don’t even know what that means. If she said you have tucked your grief into all of these boxes, and you’ve not dealt with it, you’ve been packing it away. And now your boxes are cool, and they’re overflowing, you have no place to put it. So you don’t have a choice but to deal with it.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 12:26
Can anybody blame you? You were in a situation where you had to support Yourself Your Lifestyle deal with the passing of your husband, but still put probably a happy face on for your kids and your grandkids? And yes, and still move forward. And you You probably person, your person that you were actually thinking about or considering you were worried about your clients and your family and friends when

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 12:58
you know Saunders you focused on them. You’re not focused on yourself, and they don’t want to listen to your story, you know? And then what happened to me is that Sir John Dodd and 2018, probably summer of 2019 is kind of when my friends started running my ass about dating and getting back out there. It just happened last week on the ready to date. What do you try? Gosh. So well, I’m still not dating.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 13:28
You have a life though. You do have a full life. And

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 13:33
there’s a lot of quiet time, but I choose that quiet time. I’ve kind of settled into a routine now guessing my counselor every Monday because it has been five years. And my friends don’t understand that I still am struggling with depression. Apparently there’s an expiration date on grief. I don’t really know what it is or something would define it but your family and your friends. I think they just get tired. My son showed up one day, and I’m having a bad day and I was out in the garage and I started crying and I cannot stop crying and he’s like, What is this? What? What what are you doing? I have to go Marlon. He doesn’t want to see it. He doesn’t want to hear it. It makes him very uncomfortable. And I think it’s that way for most people. We’re not taught how to what are we supposed to do with the grieving friend? You know? Listen, we we sent flowers. We were there for the first couple of months and then they’re so sad and I don’t know what to say. So they quit saying anything and they quit coming around. You find out real quick who your real friends are. So my biggest my my best advice is hire a coach. Counselor, someone that you’re comfortable talking to, because they do understand. And let’s face it, I’m paying you. You have to listen to me worrying. But it’s been probably the most helpful thing in our life, the trauma counselor better than a grief counselor. Because she understands when something triggers me, and I don’t understand what’s happening. She can explain it to me that is a trauma response. I was taking bold a bold dropout. I’m a bold dropout. Did you draw? I’m telling you that I did. I dropped down a new we’re taking it but and I was really excited about it. But they did this meditation exercise. The first Yeah. Early in

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 15:48
the morning and bold. I’m thinking, yeah, just Yeah.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 15:50
Well, the meditation thing, and they’re like, No, where are you? I want you to envision yourself, Where are you going to be in three years? Where are you going to be in five years? Here’s with you. Know, I lost my shit. I could not stop crying. I cried all day. I could not stop it. You know, it’s betting you can’t leave early. You have to stay. You’re now putting

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 16:21
one foot in front of the other and vision and they

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 16:25
literally filled the ground out from under me. And the next day, so I’ve made a no I’m not kidding. Bald was over it. 230 I stood outside the building had chatted with a couple of agents. I laughed. I came home put my pajamas on a crawled in my bed at five o’clock. And I told Tucker, look at that. Five o’clock moms. Are you going to bed? I’m over this day. Yeah. The next day, I didn’t even get out of bed. I felt horrible. I was so upset, physically sick. I really thought I had picked up a stomach bug. And I’m so depressed and I can’t stop crying and I don’t cry. I don’t cry, go to work. I get mad and I go to work. And I texted my counselor and I said I don’t know what happened. But I’m a hot mess. And I can’t, I can’t get my shit together. And she said, this is a trauma response. I will see you on Monday. Take good care of yourself. Don’t forget to eat hydrate and rest. So I went on Monday, and I’m running late. So I called her I need every minute today called I called her departure on the way. And when I got there, she said, Let me guess the next day you were sick. You had digestive upset? And I said oh god, yes. I thought I had a bug. And she said no. That’s an adrenaline dump. Oh, I would have never known that. No. So I found I think it’s a great program. I would really like to take it again. I just don’t think right now is a good time for me because I was literally blind sidled? Well, again, I tried to

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 18:12
compartmentalize and it sounds like and you’ve you’re focusing on work, and to get down and do that other stuff that they want you to do is something that really, you’re still dealing with other stuffs and you have to it’s a process of healing. Correct. And you’re there to advance and work. Yeah, am I you don’t need head work right now. I need to just Yeah, anymore. Not that you will not set any more records because you’re setting them all, you know,

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 18:43
but I’d you know, I would I like so. You’ve taken bold. It’s all about lead generation. And right. Oh, well. I don’t lead gen. I don’t wait, Jim. I don’t lead gen. I don’t know how I am. I follow up. I know what my people are looking for. I go to the hot sheet. I’ll do a quick search tech some and go hey, you found this house. What about this thing for you guys to look at? I do my own? Probably. I mean, technically, it probably is lead gen. It is. It’s Gera style. I had I had an agent from exp called me one morning, and he’s the hard core. Does like four hours lead gen every morning. Follow up all afternoon. He’s a very successful agent. He joined DFC and he called me and said, hey, you know, can I share this with you? And I said you can. But it’s a waste of your time and it’s a waste of Mark. I’m not going anywhere. I’m perfectly happy with what I do. You know, I really I I reserved the mornings for myself. I do paperwork. I Don’t do anything before 10 o’clock. I just don’t do anything. I’m not a morning person. So I, unless I take a class and then need

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 20:09
to put early and

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 20:12
yeah, but but I do mine you know I do my follow up I sit on the porch any chain smoker drink coffee and

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 20:22
don’t change too much at once to

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 20:24
you know, I just I do my own thing and this guy’s that seriously your whole as a member not down? Yeah. Nobody knows I’m in on that Gambit you. He said you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Do you know how successful you could be? I’m successful enough. I got my bills paid. I can do what I want to do when I want to do it. I have a little bit of money in the bank, I can spoil my grandkids. Let me happy. You know, I

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 20:54
I hadn’t heard that. You know, because we were just talking about you in in bold and you know, right before bold, you know, you’re not having a listing presentation or a buyer presentation. Yeah, you do? You absolutely do. You know, you may not want to follow with a little chart, you know that somebody preprints of how wonderful our company is, but you definitely do. And it’s it’s called that personal one on one with your client, which is what they want anyway.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 21:24
Yes. And I think that’s about I don’t know, a whole lot of stock and a whole dress for success and all this bullshit. I wear jeans and normally a rock T of Rock Band t shirt, I’ll throw a jacket on if I need to write a wear my sneakers or wear my flip flops. And I go when I work, and they’re not there because of me. They’re there. Because what I know, and I can help them with their me because you know, I’m 10 I’m not a 10. You know, I’m a hard seven.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 22:04
You know, it depends on who you’re with, that the scale goes up. Anyway, so let’s, let’s think about this. So if we kind of think about over the last five or six years, you’ve kind of had to really create a new year, right? Yes, yeah. And you’ve had to go in and make lemonade. When life gives you lemons, you have to process and you’re still working on the processing, which nobody, I think, could ever guilt you about or say anything about. And everybody has to heal on their own timeframe. But you’ve also been incredibly successful. And yet you’re one of the most humblest person people that I even know.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 22:51
But saying all of that. I’m curious.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 22:57
What would John say, if he met the Jera of today?

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 23:05
He would be very proud of me. We had a plan, that when I replaced his salary, that he would retire and he owned a concession trailer. Yeah, he loved to cook and cater to you all that. I don’t even need a kitchen in my house. I need a little college dorm friends and a coffee pot. That’s all I need. And but he you would not even believe that kitchen stuff I have, because he was truly a chef. So our goal was that when I replaced his income, then he was going to retire and he would say he was going to peddle hamburgers. I replaced his income two years after he passed. So he would have already retired. He would be very proud of me. However he would be he would be horrified at the amount of hours I work. John was all about lifework balance, even though he worked in the oil field and was on call 24/7. I mean, we’ve walked along the beach with him taken an order with me determines the call so and so he’s like not gonna do that. It’s my customer. Like, come on, man, we’re on that kaizen. The vacation never mattered. And it doesn’t matter to me now. I mean, I was in Alabama two years ago. I took off for a month and a rented house on the beach. I sold on houses while I was gone. That’s me. Awesome. I’m so grateful that God literally gives me these families to serve and I can serve them when I’m sitting on a beach. Yes. And they’re understanding I’m like, you know, I would love to go and show you that house but I’m on a beach I’m gonna get started. So to come in open the door for you, is that okay? And they’re like, Yeah, that’s fine, Jared, that’s awesome. But I’m getting narrow. I’m working with repeat customers, or repeat clients, which is probably one of the most awesome VLANs ever. I mean, that I’ve been doing this long enough. And I’ve managed to make friends out of these people, and they’re part of my circle. And now I can, I’m selling them houses again. You know, five years later, John would be very proud of me, he would be very upset with me for the amount of cars I bought. I’ve bought a new car every year for the last four years. Well,

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 25:39
you know, you’ve got some great kids coming up that I’m sure you can just start, you know, in those cars. You know,

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 25:46
my dad just turned 15. And you know, he’s eligible for his permit. And I asked my son a couple of weeks ago, what are we going to buy a car for him? He said, Mother, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And I said, Well, you know, I guess I could go ahead and pay mine off and give him this one. And I’ll buy myself something else. And he said, Mom, it’s not your responsibility. Well, it’s not but let’s be realistic. He’s still my kid and right, and I want him in something safe. I want him in something a little bigger than than a little Honda. Right? So yeah, he’ll probably end up with my board as well.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 26:24
I want you to know that you continue to inspire people, your dedication to your clients is something that people need to only experience. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, because we have people that we both now that you continue to inspire people, and they very much care and love you. And I feel very fortunate to be one of your friends, and to have been in your life for Okay, December 2019. But I’m going to California 19. Okay, Kevin. So I want to thank you for not only your honesty, but sharing this. And if somebody wants to reach out to you about real estate or dealing with some of this grief, how do they get a hold of you? What’s the easiest way to get a hold of you Gera

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 27:21
color texts for you? 2661916 I enter all phone calls today as are all tech so that comes up spam, I answer it because you know, just in case, it might be someone who in my house.

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 27:36
Oh my gosh, that’s awesome.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 27:39
I do it business. Bam, I still answer it. Hide

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 27:43
behind a lot of that. But we’re gonna also put your contact information down in the show notes of this episode so people can find you and be able to reach out to you. And thank you again. I was a big ask and I’m so glad that we no GS.

Jarah Decker, REALTOR 28:00
So your I guess your listening audience knows if they do need someone to talk to and they’re on this journey. Call me. Nobody cries along. I’ll be happy to cry with you. I mean, sounds sounds shallow, but it just felt like the biggest club you never wanted to join. But you can bottom. My grandson Oh, when they lunch one day we were at longhorn steakhouse. And this man came in and sat down and about one o’clock in the afternoon. So after the the lunch rush, and he sat down, he ordered and my heart was breaking for him. My grandson fight, he said, man, what’s wrong? And I said, That man lost his walk has been how do you know? And I said, I don’t know. I just know. Right? But we got to leave. And I had already paid his ticket. And I had asked the waitress for it. And as I left, I just kind of put my hand on his shoulder. And he turned his head looked at me and I just kept walking. And my granddad said, man, what are you doing? I said, He knows what I was doing. My phone number is 432-266-1916. It’s Jarrod Decker. Thanks so much. You’re welcome. Thank you. Thank

Robbie English (Host, The REALTEA with Robbie English) 29:20
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